How Do You Know You Dont Want Your Ex Back?
If used carefully, text messages tin can be a very powerful tool to get dorsum together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.
In this article, you'll learn…
- How to figure out what your ex'due south texts actually mean
- A number of mutual attraction-killing mistakes people brand when texting an ex
- How to reverse any previous damage or mistakes since the breakup with texts
- The merely existent style to brand sure your texts are working as intended
- The summit 3 texts to transport to your ex to build rapport & attraction
- The the must-follow rules for texting your ex
- The right way to ready an in-person 'appointment' via text
So, are you prepare to learn how to apply text letters to win back your ex? Let'southward get started…
Texts To Assistance Win Back Your Ex
Texting can exist an extremely constructive method of establishing rapport, trust, and attraction with your ex… if executed correctly.
Only… Beware!
If you have no idea what you're doing, then texting your ex can be a one-way ticket to "staying single and looking drastic".
And then, that'south what I'g going to teach yous in this commodity: how to apply a handful of sneaky text letters to change your ex'southward mind about the breakup, and eventually decide (on their own!) to take you back.
Texting Your Ex: Is It The Best Way To Communicate?
A lot of clients inquire me, "should I call or text my ex?"
Personally, from my 12+ years of experience every bit a breakup coach, I believe texting is a much safer way to communicate with your ex.
It doesn't crave you to have a full-blown, face-to-face chat and it's extremely non-invasive. Your ex is gratis to reply to you whenever he or she wants, and you lot're able to respond to your ex's text whenever you lot want too. This sort of dynamic allows you fourth dimension to call back almost what to say before you actually say information technology.
With nigh of my coaching clients, I tell them that texting is normally the best road when communicating with their exes… although there are occasionally certain scenarios where texting might not be the correct move. (For case, if you and your ex never texted one some other during your relationship, it might be weird to suddenly showtime texting him or her.)
Common Texting Mistakes To Avoid
Below are several things you absolutely should Non do if you want to become your ex back through texting.
Sadly, after coaching thousands of breakup clients over the past decade, I know for a fact that the vast majority of people DO commit these huge texting errors I'g about to describe… and theses mistakes tin sometimes decimate any chance of rekindling a relationship with an ex.
I always like the saying, "when emotions run high, logic runs depression."
When you're reeling from a tough breakup, chances are you're non thinking clearly. Yous're heartbroken, desperate, depressed, and you're just not yourself. Most importantly, you lot're not thinking logically! And when logic goes out the window, people tend to ship three kinds of BAD text messages.
These are counter-productive text messages that you might be guilty of, so it'due south important you read this section carefully…
Bad Text #ane – The "Ex Hate" Text Message
While venting tin can be therapeutic, proverb hateful things to your ex will ruin your chances of ever rebuilding a human relationship with him or her. If y'all notice yourself angry with your ex, so give yourself a moment to cool downward earlier you option up your phone.
While being angry and emotional is COMPLETELY NORMAL for a person in your state of affairs, information technology'south wise to not act on these emotions if you want to win your ex back.
After all…. what is your goal right now? To go far that "one last shot" at your ex? Or to win them dorsum and make them love y'all again?
Think about it this way: people tend to gravitate towards things that make them experience good, and if your ex associates negative feelings with YOU , the less likely it is they'll experience attracted to you over again — let lonely talk to y'all. So take a chill pill, relax, and live to fight some other solar day.
Bad Text #2 – Spam Texting Your Ex
When emotions are running and high and yous're feeling desperate, all yous want to exercise is simply pick up your telephone and offset texting your ex not-stop. The problem with that is that nobody likes spam, and nobody wants to talk to someone who'south frantic and desperate.
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who's receiving 20 or 30 messages a day from someone y'all don't even desire to talk to! Maybe you've even been there yourself. Annoying, right?
One client told me that he sent 67 text messages over the course of two days to his ex without getting a single answer… and needless to say, this man didn't get his ex dorsum. (No surprise there.)
Bad Text #3 – Overly Emotional Text Messages
These are texts that see as extremely needy. Anything along the lines of…
"You lot broke yous my heart!"
…or:
"I don't recall I tin can beloved another again."
Texts like these will kill any sort of allure that your ex has for you.
When you send your ex a message like these examples above, you might call back that these texts sound honest and sweet. In reality, showing so much "neediness" volition actually drive your ex far, far abroad.
By sending any of these three text messages, you turn yourself into what I call "The Texting Terrorist". You're forcing your ex to feel hurt and annoyed past yous… and in some cases, you lot'll even scare your ex off completely.
Already Sent Your Ex One Of These Bad Texts?
Now I know what some of you might be thinking: "Oh crap, I totally made all of these texting mistakes! Am I screwed or is in that location a chance of salvaging my situation?"
The quick answer is yes, there is a adventure yous can recover from these mistakes and there probably is a take a chance you can go back on the road of winning your ex dorsum.
Go Your Ex To "Emotional Neutral" Earlier Texting
If you've committed some of these errors, and so it's of import to get your ex dorsum to what I call an "Emotional Neutral" land.
Right now, your ex is feeling annoyed or angered past your text messages (and rightfully so). The next logical step, therefore, is to remove all the negative feelings your ex has of you by sending a quick apology text and employing the no-contact strategy.
Every bit much as you may not want to hear this, "no contact" is almost always critical if you want to eventually become your ex back. There are some certain exceptions to this rule, but for xc% of all breakups, no-contact is a must.
Before you engage in the period of no contact, though, y'all'll want to ship a quick apology text message to your ex. Don't ramble on or get overly emotional, just fire off a unproblematic message like this:
"Sorry I've been emotional the last few days. Other things have been stressing me on top of this breakout and I lashed out. Wish yous luck."
This text bulletin accomplishes two things – you apologize to your ex and you give yourself an excuse for acting inappropriately.
Afterward y'all send this, you MUST appoint in no-contact (preferably for 30+ days). It doesn't thing if your ex texts you back or asks you how y'all're doing, etc… when I say no contact, I really exercise mean NO CONTACT.
The only time it's acceptable to answer or reach out to your ex during this fourth dimension is if NOT doing then volition lead to fifty-fifty bigger problems (ie. if yous must discuss important things like who will pay the monthly rent on your shared apartment, who will have your dog to the vet, etc).
How Does 'No Contact' Undo Past Texting Mistakes?
Right at present, your ex thinks that YOU'RE chasing THEM. Your ex believes that they have all the 'ability' and that, if they wanted to, they could take you lot back whenever they wanted. What you need to exercise, therefore, is to have that power away from them and so that they brainstorm to starting time chasing you .
For example, imagine your ex sends you a message 15 days into the no-contact period and he or she gets no reply for several days. Your ex volition start constantly checking his or her phone, waiting for a response. This will make your ex emotional and he or she will wonder why you aren't replying.
This is exactly why no-contact works so brilliantly. It turns the tables upside down and makes your ex WANT to talk to you. Brand sense?
Non sure whether 'no contact' is right for your specific situation? Need help coming up with a surefire program to win back your ex? Sign up for my ane-on-one coaching plan and I'll personally guide y'all every step of the way.
Now that you've sent your ex a quick apology bulletin, followed by a period of at least xxx days without contacting him or her at all, the stage is set and it's time to start texting your way dorsum into your ex'due south artillery…
Text Messages That Volition Win Back Your Ex
At this point, I'm going to presume you've washed everything I've recommended above, and y'all've properly set the stage for the attraction-building texts that I'll exist roofing presently.
Since yous haven't spoken to your ex for a calendar month (or more), your but goal right now should be to establish positive rapport with your ex.
You lot're not going to make them fall madly in love with you again just by sending a few messages to them… sorry to disappoint, only you have to take things ane step at a time. Edifice rapport is a crucial starting bespeak.
So what kind of text should you exist sending? In my best-selling guide, The Ex Cistron, I go through dozens of text messaging examples, but here in this commodity I'chiliad merely going to cover three types of text messages that are sure to plant a good basis for reconnecting with your ex.
Practiced Text #1: The "Big Interest" Text Message
Nobody wants to receive a super boring text like "hey" or "what'due south upward". Non merely do these texts lack purpose, but they besides don't brand your ex feel any emotions at all.
You lot want to send something that makes them experience good… AND has actual value. For instance:
"Hey, only heard that the 'Foo Fighters' are coming into boondocks in June… simply remembered how much you loved them. Promise everything is going well."
Why does this text message work? Well, for i, you lot have a very articulate purpose as to why you're texting your ex. You're not begging, you're non pleading or getting angry… you're simply letting him or her know about something that may be a huge involvement to them.
Secondly, you lot don't force a conversation. Yous end the reply with, "hope everything is going well". Your ex can reply to your text or they can simply ignore it if they want, but if you've done everything correctly upward to this point, you should be getting a positive response from your ex.
The 2nd ice-breaker text bulletin is a fiddling more avant-garde, and then apply it with caution…
Expert Text #ii: The "Expert Reminder" Text Message
The goal of this text message is to remind your ex of a positive feel you two shared while you lot were together, without actualization awkward or weird. For example, you lot could say:
"Hey, remember that amazing dinner nosotros had on the corner of Smith and Robson Street? What was the proper noun of that restaurant again? I desire to accept a friend there."
Depending on where you're at with your ex, this message can practice wonders. In this particular instance, y'all're reminding your ex of the amazing dinner you two shared together. This volition forcefulness your ex to think about that positive experience.
This text bulletin is great considering information technology incites a little scrap of jealousy and mystery. Your ex might be thinking, "WHO are they taking to dinner, and WHY?"
This text bulletin is extremely effective if you transport it at the right fourth dimension. If you feel similar your ex is all the same annoyed or irritated to hear from you lot, and so sending this text is going to backfire on you.
The 3rd text message is ane of my favourites….
Good Text #three: The "Smile" Text Message
OK, now, this text bulletin should only be used if y'all handled your breakup properly. That means that you didn't beg or plead, and you didn't get angry or turn things into a screaming match.
Here'south an instance of a "smile" text:
"I just stumbled upon my old copy of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and it fabricated me call back about you for the get-go time in awhile… and information technology put a smile on my face!"
Again, equally with the previous ii text messages, this message has a real purpose. You're trying to reel your ex in emotionally with something positive and interesting.
Y'all aren't trying to stir upwardly any drama or the set the earth on fire, either. You're simply reconnecting and building rapport. Attraction, love, romance, etc., are things that volition come much later in this process.
Don't go this part wrong, because it'due south critical to your success. If y'all're feeling lost or stuck in your situation and unsure what to do side by side, register for 1-on-1 coaching and I'll personally aid you build a comprehensive strategy for getting your ex back (for good).
The 3 Rules For Texting Your Ex
Hopefully, if you lot've washed everything correctly to this betoken, your ex volition respond to you in a positive manner. But, let's non get alee of ourselves — there are a few things you need to call back when trying to carry a conversation with him or her…
Texting Rule #ane – Put a "filibuster" in betwixt all of your text messages.
At this point, you'll want to announced as nonchalant as possible, and putting a solid delay in between text messages can do simply that.
Instead of replying to your ex'southward text messages right away, wait an hour or more. This will create some level of anticipation, and will likewise help remove any sort of lingering "desperate" or "needy" sentiments in the back of your ex'south mind.
Also, if you've just reconnected afterward the no contact period, then you should only be exchanging a few text messages a day – no more than half-dozen or 7 text messages in any given twenty-four hours.
At that place'due south no uncertainty that timing is everything when it comes to texting your ex, and it'southward certainly something you lot want to become right. Delaying replies is a great way to ensure you don't look like a clingy loser to your ex.
Texting Dominion #ii – Go on your replies brief, but don't forget some basic principles.
If you were to ship huge, long, rambling text letters, your might appear a fiddling desperate for attention. And then go along the text messages equally brusk as possible, but non so brusk that you kill the chat. Keep talking near things that interest your ex and enquire honest questions.
Texting Rule #3 – Never bring up any drama.
Don't talk about your by relationship, don't enquire who they're dating right now, and don't try and argue with your ex. The goal hither is to remain positive so that your ex will WANT to meet up with you.
Using Text Messages To Conform a "Date"
And then now that nosotros've established some rules, how exercise yous go from texting your ex to dating your ex? Information technology's time to establish a quick meet upwards with your ex. In person.
No, you don't want to inquire your ex out on a appointment or anything like that. Definitely do NOT exercise that. But you'll desire to have a quick java or hangout with your ex, considering texting can just get you so far… to "seal the deal", it's typically necessary to see your ex in one case or twice in person.
The best style to arrange this is to make sure you lot take a very practiced, legitimate-sounding reason to desire to see your ex.
For example, say y'all've been texting your ex back and forth for a few days and y'all want to finally take it to the side by side level and ready upwards a coffee hangout. Don't but ask them to go out for coffee – this could set up off warning bells inside your ex's heed. You'll want to have an excuse to see up with your ex. For example, you could say:
"By the style, I'm planning a trip to Montreal at the end of August and could use some advice. Since I know you've been at that place many times, it would be awesome if you could give me some advice! Tin we grab a quick coffee this Friday? I'd actually appreciate it!"
And here'due south another example:
"I'one thousand redesigning my living room and was wondering if you could give me a few pointers! I know you've always been practiced with interior design stuff. Could we grab a quick 20 infinitesimal coffee?"
Something simple and straightforward this is a perfect manner to ready the tone.
You lot'll want to appear friendly FOR NOW… any sort of flirting or proposition of romance in these texts might scare off your ex. Save that for the bodily in-person 'date', where you can read your ex's reactions and suit your level of flirting accordingly.
At this betoken, bold you really read the tips and advice I've just shared with you lot, you lot're already in much better shape than y'all were when you first landed on this webpage. Expert luck — I'll be rooting for you!
Brad Browning
Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's about trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad'southward #ane best-selling breakdown reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Spousal relationship, a comprehensive self-assist guide that teaches married couples how to salve their dying spousal relationship and forbid divorce. Brad's YouTube aqueduct has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 one thousand thousand views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.
Source: https://www.lovelearnings.com/breakups/text-messages-to-send-your-ex
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